#130/365--Joy in the Journey

Not long ago,

a friend

gave me this

...beautiful tile art...

I've always thought it was

...accurate...

finding joy

in the journey

I get it

...Motherhood...

takes time

and

is a process

but

one must

...find joy...

(take out the "J," the "O," and the "Y)

in the

...journey...

There was nothing I ever
wanted more

...than a family...

I adored children

and I wanted several

of my own.

When I became a mother,

my joy was equated to happiness

…I was elated...

So much so, that at times,

I would find myself crying tears

...of that very Joy...

Motherhood, for me, came easily.

I could hold, sing, read, rock, and nurture

...with the best of them...

I was a natural.

Looking back,
this is what I now see as

...the flatlands...

the rolling plains

…so to speak…

in the Journey.

It was easy to

“travel”

through this

...season...

I was confident, calm (more so than not), cool, dependable.

Soon, I began to see

some beautiful, snow-capped mountains

on the horizon.

We began

...the ascent into...

...Adolescence...

With the

...grumpiness of hormones...

...and the drama of junior high…

things began to get a little rocky,

and the flat ground

began to increase in its incline,

...this mountain...

became much steeper

...much sooner...

...than I expected...

Before I realized it,

we were lost.

The higher up on this mountain

the kids and I have traveled,

its beauty has become

...impossible...

to discern

The weather at this altitude is 

colder, windier, stormier

I have struggled to keep hold of my kids. 

The map for

...my motherhood journey... 

has been lost

Suddenly

there is

no path

in front of me.

  

We have reached 

a place called

 “Teenager” and “Young Adult.”  

It’s dark here

Along the way,

they have developed

personalities

and

minds of their own

They are unique,

feeling beings

no longer little people,

but nearly

...adults...

Now,

in this darkness,

they want to test the

boundaries of independence.

We struggle against each other

with me, wanting to hold them tight,

grasping at them in fear,

worried that they
will get too far ahead of me

and

...get hurt or lost...

I haven’t taught them all they should know,

...haven’t prepared them...

It wasn't until I reached this juncture,

that I

...now...

find myself 

beginning to understand

the labor that love really is

Mom,

I didn't know.

I didn't know you felt this way about me.  

I didn't know it was your strong love 

that wanted to teach me how to be independent.

I always imagined it to be your way of

restraining me, keeping me little.

I didn't know how much my words

 ...could hurt you...

I didn't see you as the human being

that you are

...instead...

…you were…

"my mom."

  In my mind, that was somehow different.

I didn't know
how much
you prayed over me

The worries that spilled over

...as tears...

or some other emotion

 ...fears...

that I would have hurts

...that you couldn't fix...

I didn't know the years of

“catching me”

...as I fell..

were not as difficult

as the years when you began to

“release” me

letting me struggle with the hurts myself

Darker still,

the days when you

released me into adulthood

for good.

I didn't understand
the struggle
of letting go.

For me, it was easy.

I was ready

to be independent

...as my kids are now...

Mom,

you are an example

of 

conviction and perseverance

 of

sacrifice and overcoming

God’s light shines through you

as you continue to traverse

the miles in this journey

for and with

your kids and grands

You are
still teaching us
in your wisdom

...you are still an example for us...

You help us to see that it’s okay

...to let go...

 of the perceived notion of control
...and...

you do it with

a kind of grace
...a joy...

Thank you, Mom.

Thank you for

helping me map my way

 into letting go of my own children

so that they may

leave my nest and

soar into their own journeys.

Thank you for allowing God

to use you as proof

that there is a light

at the end of the tunnel

 ...a peak to this mountain...

a place in the

...journey...

where

...the pace...

slows down

As tumultuous as things seem,

there is still joy unspeakable

on this journey

Joy

not as simply

...happiness...

but

as a sense of well-being

contentment

...amidst the storm...

a sense of having

...what I desire most...

watching these kids of mine

...grow...

in their own struggles 

...emerging...

...as independent adults...

All too soon,
we will reach the summit, 

and I will have no choice 

but to let go

and

let them

...become...

And that is where

we will get to see

...more clearly...

that beauty

of the mountaintop

...again...

As you always say

"This, too, shall pass"

...and it always does...

too fast

and soon

I will be at the summit

watching my children soar

...thank you, Mom...

for being

my

example

support

cheerleader

prayer warrior

...Sojourner...

friend

I love you.

Happy Mothers' Day!