Halfway There

 Halfway to 50

25 or 49 and one half

Six months

And #50before50

is moving along

It’s been a year of

Unmotivated laziness

Anxiety about moving forward

Fear

Doubt

Uncertainty

Insecurity

Distracted by

Social Media

News

Covid

Political arguments

Netflix

Lesson planning

Kindergarten in a pandemic

A growing to-do list that gets longer and longer

causing anxiety

Cycling back and forth

To immobility

And here. I press forward

Day by day

Moment by moment

Finding joy in small things

Getting by the best that I can

Parenting in unknown territory

Grown kids living under the same roof

Wanting them to spread their wings

Knowing times are hard and wanting them to stay little

Conflicting emotions of

Needing them to move

and

Wanting them to stay

Wanting to protect and mother them

Needing to let them

Figure things out on their own

Knowing they are experiencing

2020

In their own ways

And also living one day, one moment

At a time

Teaching in an

“Unprecedented Time”

Desk shields

Face masks

Hand sanitizer

Social distancing

Technology, desperately needed and consistently unreliable

Perpetual changes

Quarantine

Virtual, in-person, hybrid

Nothing is how it should be

Unstable, uncertain, unsettled

ambiguous

And also

Unquestionably, unmistakably, unequivocally

nowhere else I would rather be

“Living the Dream”

Love

at this age

Nearing retirement

Doubting I’ll be able to

When the time comes

Wrestling with

Needing my space and not wanting to be alone

Frustration fighting against contentment

Complacency Struggling with dissatisfaction

Thankfulness twisted together with disappointment

Peace cohabitating with agitation

Side by side

Each of us

Needing, depending on, wanting, loving

each other

also eager for

Solitude, breathing room

This is 50.

Or. Almost 50.

This is halfway there.

25 down

25 to go

49.5

6 months

2020 over

2021 on the way

It’s these little things

The minor goals

Lists of things to do

That bring me small pleasures

Moments of accomplishment

Personal satisfaction

Keeps my mind

My thinking

My contemplation

Positive-leaning

And on the days

That I feel

Adverse

Conflicting

Noxious

Emotions

I can look at my

#50before50 List

And feel a sort of

Grounding

Security

Something to look forward to

Hope for

Halfway there