I thought I might set up
...a profile...
on an online dating site.
I've done this before
...and...
I don't really like doing it
...but...
for entertainment purposes
...who knows, right?
...However...
I would like to provide
...a few tips...
if you are looking
to put yourself out there
in the online dating pool.
1) Keep It Simple Sir.
I'm not gonna be reading an essay.
2) No selfies, please.
3) If you have to take a selfie,
please don't take it in the bathroom mirror.
4) If you have to take it in the bathroom mirror,
please do it in your home bathroom,
...not in a public restroom...
...with the urinal showing...
5) If you have to take a selfie,
please keep your clothes on.
6) No pics of you in bed, please.
7) I want to see pics of you.
I don't want to see your pics of the sunset
...or swans...
...or of you and your ex...
8) Let's talk usernames.
I am not interested in you
if your name is
"elchicofriendly"...
you realize this sounds like
you are friendly to boys?
9) Also, no user names
that refer to your recent dejection
...such as...
...stiyxandstonz...
...unstableguy...
...lonelyinTX...
10) Names such as...
...latinexpress...
...texassuperman...
...handsomecool...
...darkchoclit...
all
sound a little
...overconfident...
I am a romantic.
I would prefer to
...meet...
'God's Match for Me'
through some
...random chain of events...
As previously mentioned,
I have tried the online dating scene
...and...
it just hasn't worked for me.
I can't take it seriously.
It feels like "Schwan's" for dating.
...Like grocery shopping online...
...an internet "meat market," if you will...
And I can't sell myself.
I'm not one to talk myself up
...or...
even talk about myself,
let alone
come up with one of those goofy screen names
...or...
talk about "what I want in a man."
Body type? Dude I don't know.
You want "Athletic and Toned,"
...and I think I am...
"Lumpy with Hail Damage."
I need you to know
I'm private and silly and awkward and spiritual.
I need you to know
I'm shy and introverted and introspective.
I need you to know
I'm funny and sometimes philosophical.
How do I convey this
...over the internet...
without sounding full of myself?
...and what username shall I use??
Let's see how this
little experiment
-- with Destiny --
...plays out...
Yours with Humor,
SyngleMominTXwaitinOnMrRyte
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